{Yarn Along} For Dolly

Yarning Along with Ginny:

One of the amazing things that happened while Kate was in the ER last week was the connection she made with the Child Life Specialist on duty that day. Jen worked her pants off to help Kate feel empowered and safe, and we were so thankful to her for the love she showed to our family. We were sitting talking with a social worker about Kate’s anxiety when Jen slipped into the room with a box. She whispered that it was for Kate and that we should give it to her when we were ready.

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Boo was inside! Kate had been watching Monsters Inc as they worked her IV in, and Jen acknowledged that it was one of her favorite movies. The best I can tell, she knew that Boo would ease her worry a little more. Boo is also strong and fearless. I see a lot of my spunky Kate in her, and I think Jen did too.

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Which brings me to todays knitting… a new doll in our house means a new sweater. That’s the purple and blue one. The yarn is from Shepherd’s Wool. I love their little mini skeins. They are perfect for projects like this! The pattern is Little Kina. Boo is going to be warm and snug in this little cardi, I’m sure! The white is Martha Stewart yarn in Buttermilk. The pattern can be found in this book. It’s one of many things I’m hoping to finish for my friend who just found out she’s expecting in April. I’ve never done a baby blanket. As a general rule, I find them tedious. But I love this simple diagonal rib, and I think it will be soft and lovely for a newborn.

Reading really isn’t happening these days. I’ve got several books home from the library, but my free time is scarce, so I’m not really counting on finishing them any time soon.

I hope your knitting has been fun the past few days! I’m off on a road trip with Amante and Kate this afternoon, but hopefully I can stop by and do some visiting later this evening, friends!

Little by Little

I’ve been trying to figure out how to get back to this space regularly. There’s been a lot going on. Ginny has posted several times about grief not being a straight line, and that’s been very true in our home this spring and summer. I’m tired of posting about it. But when I’m tired and emotional, happy pictures on my blog just don’t happen.

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Last weekend was scary. Little Kate got so overwhelmed with the emotional state I’ve been in that she made herself sick. She only vomited once, but it was enough to put her already stressed self into a tailspin.

From Tuesday until Friday afternoon she ate one meal. No other symptoms. Just a hunger strike. She was refusing to eat.

At all.

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Thursday, we found ourselves in the ER for IV fluids. Friday, we were thinking she would have to go back when I got on her level and told her that a second visit would not be as pleasant as the first. The ER doctor had told me privately that a feeding tube was the last resort, but that if we couldn’t keep her nourished, they wouldn’t hesitate.

I don’t like to scare my kids. I’m not that kind of mom. But apparently it was enough to help her understand the importance of food. We started small, smoothies and yoghurt. She quickly graduated to sandwich crackers and hotdog. She’s eating lots of fruit, too.

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She has charts she fills out for how much she’s eating and drinking. She’s celebrating small successes, and teaching me to do the same. We are loving her hard. We are setting boundaries to help her feel safe. Honestly, it’s working for all of us.

Control is such a touchy subject, isn’t it? She took control of a situation (albeit subconsciously!) in order to make herself feel safe. I’m realizing we all do that, in small ways. And that routine is the key to not needing to take selfish and unhealthy control of our personal situations. This has been a wake up call to me. It’s not that I shouldn’t feel how I feel. It’s more that I have been unaware how deeply it was affecting our home.

I’m focusing on routine these days. I’m focusing on listening carefully. On being here, now, in the moment that’s happening around me. It’s so simple, but I forget to do it. I think I can say that for the first time in a long time, things feel better.

Safer.

More solid.

I’m ready.

Well, Hello

It’s been a week.

A long week.

An anxious, kid sick, “What next? Really? That too?” week for me.

Hopefully I’ll be back here regularly soon… until then, prayers are appreciated, friends.